Erling Haaland and Kylian Mbappe
Kylian Mbappe has scored eight goals for Paris Saint-Germain already this season and is within three of Erling Haaland’s ludicrous calendar year total.
Mbappe led the 2022 top goalscorers list by six goals from the old man at Barcelona. But he could not win France the World Cup, the daft fraud.
The criteria: All club goals in all competitions for clubs in Europe’s top 10 leagues.
10) Harry Kane – Spurs/Bayern Munich (22 goals)
The fraudulent one-season wonder produced a 30-goal Premier League campaign for that Tottenham team. Is he actually… good? His stats last season were ridiculous. And he is very much up and running for Bayern.
9) Luuk de Jong – PSV (22 goals)
Nearly a decade on from a seriously poor Newcastle spell, De Jong is in the form of his life for PSV. He has scored nine goals already this season and taken his club into the Champions League group stages.
8) Karim Benzema – Real Madrid (22 goals)
Scored in his final appearance for Real Madrid before swanning off to Saudi at the grand old age of 35. He will not add to these numbers.
7) Alexandre Lacazette – Lyon (22 goals)
Scoring one of two four-goal hauls – poor Elye Wahi – in a ludicrous game between Lyon and Montpellier certainly boosted the numbers of Lacazette, who eventually came up two short in the French Golden Boot race.
6) Santiago Gimenez – Feyenoord (23 goals)
After ending last season like a train, the Mexican has carried his form into this campaign with six goals in five Eredivisie games.
5) Victor Osimhen – Napoli (24 goals)
Scored the title-clinching equaliser against Udinese, then one more for good measure in the procession of a win over Fiorentina, before confirming the Serie A Golden Boot with a late flourish. Started this season in style too.
4) Lautaro Martinez – Inter Milan (25 goals)
There was disappointment in the Champions League final but Martinez put together his third 20-goal Inter season, and the most prolific campaign of his entire career thus far. And he has already started this campaign with an impressive five goals.
3) Mauro Icardi – Galatasaray (27 goals)
Galatasaray have made Icardi’s loan move from PSG permanent after an excellent season which powered the Lions to the Turkish title and he has already scored eight goals this season to help Gala into the group stages of the Champions League and keep them unbeaten in the league.
2) Kylian Mbappe – PSG (29 goals)
No goals in defeats to Bayern Munich, Rennes, Lyon or Nice kept him well off the pace in 2023, though 10 goals in the last eight Ligue Un games put the bully back on a flat track. Finished the Ligue Un season as champion and top scorer. After a summer of drama, he has scored eight in five games this season.
1) Erling Haaland – Manchester City (32 goals)
A 52-goal debut campaign. His first season in the Premier League was ridiculous from Haaland and his second started with a drought-ending brace against Burnley and a strike v Sheffield United before a hat-trick to demolish Fulham. And then another v West Ham. Ludicrous numbers, ludicrous footballer.